A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?", she asked him.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move", answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?!!", the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went ’Pssst!’ and it didn’t move"

* * * * *

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chcken Little warns the farmer. She read, "...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said ’The sky is falling!’" The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said. "I think he said:

’Holly Sh*t! A talking chicken!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minuts.

* * * * *

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old  came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy!" "I know", she replay, "but what’s growing in your butt?"

* * * * *

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom say’s its a b*tch to iron!"

* * * * *

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can’t dear", she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy’s room."  A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy!"

* * * * *

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I"ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, "For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay  out!".

* * * * *

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes lather:
"Da-aaad!"
"What?"
"I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?!"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad!!!"
"WHAT?!"
"I’m THIRSTY! Can I have a drink of water?"
"I told you NO!! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!"

Five minutes later: "Daa-aaaaad!!!!!
When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"